February 18, 2016. I knew that Dad had had a very restless night. Because his bed constantly creaked while he fidgeted, I hadn’t had much sleep either. When he woke up at 4:00 A.M., he said that he hadn’t slept much, and I had a pretty good idea why. Today’s trip to dialysis would be different from any other trip because not only would he not have an aide to accompany him, he wouldn’t have an aide stay with him. In addition, Mom would drive him to and from dialysis. I had also spent a few worried minutes awake because I was concerned that he would try to get out of bed. I didn’t realize it at the time, but at 3:15 A.M., he did get out of bed by himself and got into the wheelchair.
Shortly after hearing the wheelchair, I got up, dressed in my scrubs, and logged on to work. It was then that I noticed that Mom was still sleeping and had not helped Dad out of bed. Mom woke up shortly before 4:00 A.M. It was a semi-hectic morning on our first dialysis day without an aide, but Mom and Dad were on their way to the dialysis center in plenty of time for Dad’s 7:00 A.M. appointment.
After Mom returned home, she and I ate breakfast and then she started baking a batch of English muffins. Unfortunately for her, she miscalculated how long the baking would take, and she realized too late that she would not get to the dialysis center at my parents’ agreed-upon time. As she feared, she arrived a few minutes late. Dad was royally annoyed, and he complained ad nauseam about her tardiness. He finally dropped the subject and said that they would have to adjust their schedule. During dialysis, only 1,400 ml of fluid was removed, which seemed low to me. Dad still had a bad congestion, which made me nervous about his fluid levels. I told him that I planned to take him to dialysis this coming Saturday.
During lunch, Dad started backpedaling on his agreement to drink Nepro with his lunch. If he didn’t consume enough calories during the day, he’d have to consume them during the night while he slept. His excuse for not drinking the Nepro today was an upset stomach. After lunch, he took a nap and slept for about 90 minutes. Mom was also tired and fell asleep while sitting in a glider chair in front of the television. I think that they both got some of their best sleep while sitting in front of the television.
When she woke from her nap, Mom called the furniture store and ordered their new bed and scheduled it to be delivered next Friday, eight days from today. My parents had shopped at three stores and had finally settled on a split king-sized bed from Ashley Furniture. Because Dad was supposed to sleep at a 30% incline, they needed a bed that enabled him to sleep on an incline while she slept flat. Before the bed arrived, we’d have to get rid of the hospital bed and move her twin bed back to the guest room.
I stopped work in time for our happy hour and gave Dad some Tussin to help ease his congestion. Although his congestion sounded bad, his temperature, oxygen saturation, and heart rate were all good. We had a relatively light dinner of leftovers and sorbet. Although three-handed Oh Hell isn’t as much fun as when we have more players, Dad wanted to play, and I won.
After the card game, we headed to the bedroom. While Mom prepared Dad’s night time meds, I gave Dad another breathing treatment. We finally got our first aide-less day under our belts by 8:30 P.M. Whew!
February 19. The day started with a knock-down drag-out argument between Dad and me. We argued over his nutritional needs, Nepro, and the amount of fluid to be removed during dialysis. When Mom left the house in tears, Dad and I sat down and had a rational discussion. He didn’t understand dialysis or his body and only partially heard what was said around him. We finally agreed that when I took him to dialysis tomorrow, I would talk to the nurse about how much fluid to remove.
Brenda arrived at 9:30 A.M. for Dad’s physical therapy session. She put him through the paces but commented to me that she was frustrated that he didn’t practice any of the exercises between their sessions. She and I both hoped that Kathleen would extend his time in physical therapy during his upcoming evaluation. Although his strength was improving, we felt that he needed more therapy.
At 11:30 P.M., Janet stopped by for Dad’s final occupational therapy session. Unlike the physical therapy exercises, Dad did practice some of these exercises between sessions because Mom liked to do them with him.
After eating lunch, Dad took a short nap before Kristen arrived for her final swallow therapy session with him. He presented her with a list of foods that he wanted to eat and asked her if he could eat them. Most of the items were planted firmly in the NO column, but he kept trying to get her to agree to rice and nuts.
Now that I knew when my parents’ new bed would arrive, I needed to ensure that we’d be rid of the hospital bed slightly before the arrival of the new bed. I called American HomePatient and left a message with Holly, the branch manager, and told her that we needed to have the bed picked up first thing in the morning on February 26.
During Dad’s plan of care meeting, Dr. Issac said that he would order a referral for Dad to see Dr. Greg Jaffers about fistula surgery. I wanted to get an appointment with the surgeon as soon as possible and texted Sue, the dialysis nurse practitioner, to check on the status of the referral. She replied that Dr. Jaffers’ office would contact us when they received the referral.
After the therapists left, Mom did some shopping and Dad wrote up an article about the Locke Academic Foundation. My father funds a scholarship for political science students at Colorado Mesa University, and he sent some additional information about the scholarship to Shell, his former employer who matches his funding. While the house seemed to be running with a steady rhythm, I worked until 5:00 P.M., which was when I stopped for our happy hour. Dad was still intent on eating peanuts, so I reminded him that for the time being, to reduce the risk of aspiration, he had to avoid eating nuts. When he said that he didn’t know what aspiration was, I was a little alarmed. I couldn’t understand how we could have come this far without him understanding what aspiration was, that it was a bad thing, and how it had nearly killed him.
We didn’t play cards tonight, and I’d be glad when Stan arrived tomorrow.
February 20. I took Dad to dialysis today. The nurse had suggested that they remove 1,600 ml of fluid, but I told her that I thought that his target dry weight was a bit high. His ankles seemed swollen, and I suggested that 1,800 ml might be a better goal, and she agreed.
After Dad was settled, I left the dialysis center and promised to return at least 20 minutes before the end of his session. He did fine during dialysis and didn’t cough until I came to pick him up. Stan arrived from Houston about 20 minutes after Dad and I returned home.
To begin preparing for the new bed, Stan and I moved the twin bed that Mom had been sleeping on from the master suite to the guest room. We then moved the inflatable bed from the guest room to the master suite for Mom to use until the new bed arrived. The bed wasn’t comfortable for long periods, but Stan wouldn’t be here next Friday when we had to clear out the master bedroom, and I wanted to take advantage of his brawn while he was here. Moving the beds now would enable Mom and me to more easily clean up the room in advance of the delivery of the new bed. I hoped that the inflatable bed wouldn’t be uncomfortable for Mom and that she would be able to get some sleep during the coming week.
I helped Mom set up Dad’s meds for the next two weeks, and the guys played a few hands of cribbage. As long as Stan was here, Dad seemed a bit more laid back.
After dinner, we played some more cards and monitored the primary election results on the television. In Nevada, Hillary Clinton won the Democratic caucuses and Donald Trump won the South Carolina Republican primary.
When Dad finally went to bed at 9:45 P.M., he said that he was feeling queasy and he was still pretty congested. I was worried that he might not feel well enough to attend church tomorrow.
February 21. I had high expectations for the day. Although we had stayed up a little later than usual, I had been able to sleep for more than seven hours, which was very unusual for me. However, the day seemed to take a turn for the worse when I entered my parents’ bedroom. Dad had a bit of congestion and he seemed to be in a crummy mood. His attitude was such that I fully expected him to back out of attending church again today.
I was relieved when the four of us got inside the car. I drove to the church and let everyone out close to the church entrance. The accessible parking spots were occupied and the parking lot was surprisingly full, so I had to park quite a distance from the church entrance. I joined my parents and Stan at our regular pew in the church. Soon after we arrived, our church friends who sat in the pew behind us arrived. When I saw Pastor Tom in the sanctuary before the service, I told him that Dad was with us. He stopped by our pew and welcomed Dad in true Tom style. He started the service with a big JOY and announced that after being deathly ill since May, Neal Locke was back. The congregation gave Dad a huge round of applause, and then Tom (jokingly) asked if Dad had brought his offering with him. After the service, many people approached Dad to welcome him back. Before we had left the house for church, Dad had said that he wouldn’t attend church again until he was better. After his warm reception from the congregation, he seemed willing to attend more often. My parents were very fond of this pastor, and before Dad’s hospitalization, my parents had rarely missed a Sunday in church. Getting Dad back to church seemed like another major milestone in his recovery.
When we got home from church, we spent a lot of time working out the arrangement of my parents’ bedroom. After Stan left, we watched the golf tournament, and I tried to get some work done. We spent most of the evening just talking. Dad’s congestion was practically gone, but he let me give him a breathing treatment before bed. Mom was getting better at administering the meds and tube feeds.
I finally got to bed at 9:10 P.M. After four days without an aide, we seemed to be easing into a routine.
Net photo by Tina Hartung on Unsplash




Unfortunately, finishing dialysis early doesn’t necessarily mean that you can leave early. Dianne and Dad had a bit of a wait for a bus that would take them back home. When they arrived home at 11:30 A.M., Dad wasn’t feeling very well and wanted to take a nap. We had a quick lunch so that he could start his nap at 12:15 P.M.
We had been anticipating the arrival of a nurse to reevaluate Dad for another
When the news was over, Mom noticed that the bleeding had restarted. After careful examination, it seemed that additional swelling had caused little cuts to open and bleed. I used one of my three lifeline calls to Leo, the after-hours nurse. He encouraged us to take Dad to the emergency room to ensure that he was OK. I had often said that I would never take Dad back to the Scott & White emergency room unless he was bleeding profusely, so I guess that this situation qualified as ER-worthy.
January 27. Dad had a restless night’s sleep, but he and Dianne slept in until almost 7:00 A.M. I didn’t have any early morning meetings and was able to sleep in until 4:45 A.M. It wasn’t close to a full night’s sleep, but after our late night at the ER, it was better than getting up at my usual 3:30 A.M.
In response to an email message that I had sent to 
Dad, Dianne, and Mom ate breakfast at 8:15 A.M., Dad having his usual Cream of Wheat with honey, and a pear. About 90 minutes later, he said that he didn’t feel well, and then started vomiting. Surprisingly, he vomited only mucus and not his breakfast. I was perplexed about what might have caused the vomiting. Fortunately, Stephanie, the nurse, had already called us and was scheduled to arrive within the hour.
When Janet left, I took a break from work to eat lunch. When I returned to my computer about an hour later, I was greeted by the blue screen of death. I called my employer’s help desk and ran through some diagnostic tests to determine if we could fix the problem, but the tech finally said that he would open an urgent issue. I was lucky. The now-dead computer was very new, and I still had my old laptop with me. The IT tech from the Houston office called me and said that he was sending me a loaner computer via FedEx, which meant that I wouldn’t need to drive 60 miles to our Austin office, which had been a concern. I spent the remainder of my workday using my old computer to work on a website. I was thankful that I had enabled daily backups of my computer.
We were finished with our dinner of enchiladas and chocolate cake before 7:00 P.M. Dianne was getting better at Oh Hell and was tonight’s winner. We were finished with our card game by 7:30 P.M., and by 7:55 P.M. Dad was drifting off to sleep.
Mom and I were still concerned about Dad’s dry weight and followed his bus to the dialysis center so that we could talk with his nurse about the amount of fluid they had been removing. We had spoken with Sue, our friend and nurse practitioner, only a week ago, but I still thought that they were removing too much. After speaking with the charge nurse, she said that they would remove only the minimal amount—1200 ml. Mom and I had been
We all had a nice breakfast together. Mom fixed scrambled eggs, sausage, and English muffins, and Dad had a little of each. While Mom and I attended church, Stan and Dad played cribbage. After lunch, Stan and Dad went out to the garden. They spent about 30 minutes outside and then sat on the patio for about 20 minutes, just enjoying the beautiful weather and each other’s company. Stan was Dad’s welcome relief from being surrounded by a bunch of women who seemed to do nothing but tell him what he could and could not do. By the time that the guys came indoors, it was after 3:00 P.M. and time for Stan to return to Houston.
While I was working, Dad and Dianne walked around the backyard for about an hour, which gave his legs a good workout.
When I arrived at my parents’ home in Temple, Kristen, the speech therapist, was reviewing the dos and don’ts about eating and swallowing. While she was there, I showed her some foods that I had purchased in Houston, which included canned nectars and tomato basil soup. Based on some earlier conversations with Kristen, I had guessed that they qualified as thickened liquids, and she agreed.
Before I went to bed, I needed to move my car from the front of the house to the side of the garage. While I was outside, I noticed a large stack of boxes beside the garage. It seemed that UPS had left my order from American HomePatient out of sight of the street and out of our sight too. After using the hand truck to haul everything inside, I unpacked the boxes and saw that they neglected again to send us the saline and 4x4s gauze sponges that I had ordered two orders ago. These supplies were vital for trach care and I had resorted to having the nurses to bring me gauze sponges during their visits.
When they arrived at the dialysis center, Dad weighed in at 66.4 kg. Because his target weight was 63 kg (139 lbs), the dialysis nurse said that they would remove 4800 ml of fluid. Michell had experienced the last time that the dialysis center removed too much fluid. She strongly objected to this news and had the nurse lower the target to 1800 ml. Michell had changed a lot since she first joined us. In November, she had been shocked when
Shortly after Dianne arrived, Mom went to the grocery store. When she returned, Mom, Dad, and I got into the car and drove to the church. I was still intent on taking Dad back to church on Valentine’s Day, and I thought that we needed at least one practice run. During the ride there, I shared my plan for his recovery and how I believed that by the time the 296 days were up (148 days of hospitalization and 148 days of home care), he would be ready to be mainstreamed. We all agreed on a plan, but he added that he wanted to end the live-in aides in three weeks. I told him that if he used them to help him exercise, we could terminate our relationship with 
While Dad was on dialysis, Mom and I attended a Methodist Women’s Epiphany luncheon at the church. I had been attending this church for about a year now and knew many of the women. When Mom and I returned home after the luncheon, Dad was finishing a lunch of a turkey sandwich and ¼ cup of applesauce for dessert. He was like a transformer, transforming from someone who proclaimed that he would only nibble, to our eating machine.
Other than a couple of hours during the late afternoon and early evening, today was a good day for Dad. He coughed very little, and I had started his first
Brenda arrived at 10:45 A.M. for Dad’s physical therapy session and was very pleased with Dad’s progress. She agreed that Dad could try transferring in and out of the car. Getting in and out of a car might seem simple, but this type of transfer is difficult. With an SUV, the transfer into the vehicle is difficult because you have to lift yourself into the vehicle. With a car, the transfer out of the vehicle is difficult because it requires some strength in your legs and core. Everyone was thrilled when Dad successfully transferred in and out of the SUV. Being able to negotiate a car transfer successfully was the first step to freedom from our dependency on public transportation. Because none of us had the strength to manhandle the wheelchair, Dad’s reliance on the HOP’s wheelchair lift would continue as long as he might need a wheelchair on either end of an excursion. Giving up public transportation for the trip to dialysis would require that he was consistently strong enough after dialysis to transfer in and out of cars. Although Dad was not strong enough to start riding in the family car to dialysis and the doctors’ offices, he would soon be able to visit his barber.

Dianne got Dad to do some exercises this morning before he played cards with Stan. At 11:00 A.M., Kathleen arrived to administer Dad’s 30-day physical-therapy assessment. She was pleased with his progress and established some new goals for the next 30 days, which included walking unattended with a walker, transferring in and out of a car, and starting to walk with a cane. Dad had been expressing some dissatisfaction with the progress of his therapy, and he was satisfied with these new goals. Mom and I were ecstatic.
A few weeks earlier, I had downloaded the Scott & White Pharmacy app and had configured it for Dad’s prescriptions. In addition to permitting me to reorder prescriptions, it also alerted me when a prescription was ready for pickup. After receiving notification that the saline and albuterol were ready, I picked them up from the pharmacy so that we would have them on hand when the nebulizer arrived.
The five of us played Oh Hell until about 9:00 P.M., and Mom won the last game of 2015. While getting Dad ready for bed, we administered another breathing treatment. His oxygen saturation level was still good, but he was still receiving a higher concentration of oxygen. I’d feel better when his oxygen level remained normal with less oxygen.
My most important errand was my appointment with Adan at the
When Dad was safely transferred to his wheelchair, I told him about my visit with Adan and the report from
Michell finally got Dad up and ready for the day at 6:30 A.M. For breakfast, I served Dad two tablespoons of green oatmeal, which looked about as appetizing as it sounds. After finishing his oatmeal, Michell prepared some shaved ice for him, which he ate.
I had a date in Houston that night with my husband, and I wanted to leave Temple before noon. I logged off from work at 10:30 A.M. and started packing up to leave. After a quick lunch, I was out the door by 11:45 A.M. The traffic was light until I got near Houston, and the trip was relatively hassle-free. I arrived home shortly before 3:00 P.M. and treated myself to a short nap on the couch with my two cats, which meant that I merely catnapped.
Kristen arrived at 2:00 P.M. for Dad’s swallow therapy, and she was pleased with his progress. At the end of the session, Kristen seemed excited about Dad’s upcoming MBSS on Monday and said that she thought he’d do well. I sure hoped so.
In Houston, Stan and I slept in until the decadent hour of 6:00 A.M. I allowed myself to laze around the house for another hour or so before going to the grocery store for gas and some items to take back to Temple. Over the past several months, I was lucky to have had friends who were quite willing to help me meet deadlines while I was living out of town and careening into Houston on my tight schedules. On my way out of town today, I met one such friend from my photography class for a little bit of a catch-up, and then I delivered some holiday biscotti to some other friends. This would be my last visit to Houston until after the new year.
Our biggest challenge with Dad was that he now tried on a regular basis to sit up on the side of the bed while still plugged into all of his devices, which tended to put a strain on the lines that tethered him to the bed. After coming close to hurting himself last week, I would have thought that he’d ask for assistance. Regardless of how often I reminded him that we had hired aides whose job it was to assist him, he didn’t want to bother them. Our family had never needed outside help and I suspect that he was uncomfortable in asking for it now.
Kristen arrived at the house at 4:00 P.M. She had already received the results of the MBSS from Dr. Sherrard via Adan. She was very excited about the test results—almost as much as I was—and was ready to progress to the next level. She wanted Dad to eat something and suggested applesauce. We didn’t have any, but we had homemade apple butter, which Dad had eaten on waffles every weekend before his hospitalization. He had not eaten since dinner on May 5, so his taste buds weren’t used to anything stronger than crushed ice. From his reaction, you would have thought that we were feeing him pureed jalapenos. He went on and on about the spicy food that we gave him. As Kristen coaxed him to swallow more bites, I tucked my chin as he swallowed, willing the apple butter down his esophagus.
When we arrived at the doctor’s office, the nurses and doctor were agog about Dad, repeating how much better he looked than he had just a few weeks earlier. The nurse said that seeing him “just made her day.” They were also pleased that he had gained a couple of pounds. His weight was up to 139 pounds. The dietitian said that if he passed his
Today, I drove 65 miles to Austin to attend an annual lunch with a group of former coworkers. It was a long way to go for lunch, but we had been meeting for about 15 years, and I always looked forward to seeing these guys. The luncheon also gave me an opportunity to share more of my holiday biscotti and experience one of my normal activities and traditions.
Today, however, was different. Although the paper was in the right place, Mom saw something on the front porch that kept her from opening the door. When Mom looked out of the front windows, she saw a large snake on the front porch, which wasn’t all that unusual. It scared her enough, though, that she wouldn’t open the door to get the paper, and she came to the office to get me—the biggest wuss in the world when it comes to snakes. When I looked out the front window, I had to laugh. The snake turned out to be a bungee cord that fell off of Timothy’s hand truck during his delivery last night. With the bravado of Crocodile Dundee’s better half, I boldly walked outside, captured the bungee snake, and picked up the newspaper.